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Welcome to the exquisite section of the Internet. I am pleased that you have discovered the holy grail of surfing the web. You have just stumbled on the self-acclaimed BEST WEBSITE ON THE INTERNET!!!! Now that you are here, you might as well take advantage of the fantastic comedy and humor that this dojo can provide you. Come, enter our Dojo, and view the wonders of the humor within.
On this website, you will find an array of great humor. We have everything! Random thoughts! Great pranks to pull on teachers and classmates! Hilarious comments on the things we see in life! Laugh-out-loud comics that will make you laugh until your sides hurt! A list of the things you should never say! and much, much more!
If you are looking for something to do while waiting for a bus, something to do while on the train to work, something to do on a Sunday morning, something to do at a boring choir concert, band concert, orchestra concert, child's birthday party, something fun to do while sitting on the toilet, or just something fun to do while you are bored, you have come to the right place! The Dojo of Humor is just the thing for you! Check out this website. We will be updating in the near future, so keep checking back for new material every day. Tell your friends, your coworkers, bosses, children, parents, and spouses, that there is a new face on the comedy scene, and it is us, The Masters of Humor, here at The Dojo of Humor.
Disclaimer: We do not in any way encourage doing anything expressed on this website. We do not take responsibility for any consequences that happen to any reader. Think before you do any of these things. They could cause harm to you and others.

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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Pranks in Public: In The Bathroom: Sitting on The Toilet

On a day that you don't really have better things to do, try doing this for a more enhanced experience in a public bathroom:

Try sitting in a stall, or better yet, standing at a urinal, for a very extended period of time. If you are in the stall, you don't even need to have your pants down, you could just sit on top of the cover if there is one. While you are sitting there, try to listen to what people say. If you have decided to stand at the urinal, then at the end of your time, you should let out a very loud sigh of relief.

Another option is to make numerous sounds while sitting in a stall. Things around the lines of 'ahhhhhhh' or 'ughhghghghgh' or 'hrrrrrrrrrggghhhh'. Basically things that a constipated cow might say.

This is not illegal, however you should note that it is not the healthiest thing to linger in a public bathroom.

Friday, January 20, 2012

What you Actually Can Say: On a Rollercoaster

This is a funny thing to do while you are on a roller coaster, or really any ride at an amusement park or fair:

While you are on the ride, scream things like:
"I want my mommy"
"Mommy, get me off this thing"
"Make it stop, make it stop!"
"I'm scared" (in a baby voice)

If you need some inspiration, just think about that Bud Light commercial

Thursday, January 19, 2012

What Not To Say: At a Wake or Visitation or Whatever

Whatever you do, do not say this at a wake. This would be very mean, and is very disrespectful.

You: "Sorry about your [relative]"
Your mourning friend: "Thanks"
You: "Too bad he/she burning in hell right now"

Don't say this though, guys. It is really, really, really, mean. Seriously. Losing a loved one is tough, and saying something like this can really ruin somebody's day.

What Not to Say: It's not me, it's you!

If you are breaking up with somebody, be sure NOT to say this: It's not me, it's you... I mean it's not you, it's me.

It happens to the best of them, so if you do say this, it might make your now-X think you actually meant that it was them, and not you. If you do say this, it's still OK, because you just broke up with them, you just look like a jerk.

Actually, it probably was them, I mean, if it wasn't them, why else would you be breaking up? Unless you had a crazy change of mind, it would most likely be them, so you might as well just go ahead and say this.

Pranks at School: The Seating Chart Switch-up

If your teacher tells you ahead of time that you are going to have a sub, this is a great prank.
1. tell your class rules. They all have to be in on it.
2. When you and your classmates walk in, everyone will go to someone else's seat. Plan ahead for this step, and make sure everyone knows where to sit. Make sure that it is someone of the same gender, or it will be suspicious
3. When the sub does attendance, everyone should answer as whoever's seat they are sitting in. Keep the snickers and snorts to a minimum
4. Try to go the whole class without the sub finding out.
5. If you do make it all the way, tell the sub, and laugh your head off as you walk out the door.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Pranks on The Internet: You are a Troll

You know those Facebook "Trolled" pages? If you don't know, click this. So now that you see what it is, lets get back to the prank.

Make one of these troll pages, but instead of the text being like 'See more', have it be the name of one of your friends. Then, pretend to tag your friend in a post, but really put the troll page instead. See their reaction the next time they see you. It should be priceless. Also, people might get mad at them later when searching for their name, It should be funny, no doubt, but remember: NO CYBER BULLYING.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Funny Things at School: Rooster Blocking

Premise: you see some guy making out with a girl right next to you locker. Make sure it's an upperclassman who doesn't know you.

Go up to him, tap him on the shoulder, and with a completely nonchalant voice and straight face say, "I'm going to c**k-block you right now." Then just walk away like nothing ever happened

Pranks at School: Can you Zip My Coat?

Premise: Bring a lot of winter gear. After school, find a couple making out, hopefully in an empty hallway.

Put on all of your winter gear (snow pants, boots, coat (not zipped), gloves (or mittens, should be really big), hat, ect.) Walk up to the couple clopping your boots on the ground, rubbing your snow pants together, You should look ridiculous. Tap the guy on the shoulder and say "Escuze me, can you zip up my coat, cuz my gloves are so big and I can't do it". He might zip up your coat.
-If he does, take off all of your gear and put it away. Then walk away.
-If he doesn't, just walk away with the stuff still on.

Funny Things at School: Wait, it isn't Halloween!?

Wear a really, really, detailed and well done costume to school, but not on Halloween. It should be one of those more clever ones too, because some people would normally actually go to school wearing a super hero outfit. You have to act like the character, too. And always, always, always remember, the tighter the costume is around your groin, the better the effect.

Go to school, and just see what people say.

Pranks in Public: The Awkward Introduction

Premise: Be at a public place with many people, specifically strangers.
Stinger: Leave somebody completely clueless and baffled.
Effect on the Perpetrator: Possible embarrassment, you need to be prepared.

Walk up to somebody you don't know and introduce yourself as if you knew them from an earlier time. Talk about 'things that you did together', people 'you knew'.
  • a) If they say they don't know who you are, act really disappointed. Sulk off.
  • b) some people will pretend like they know you to avoid embarrassment. If this happens, act really surprised that they know who you are. Tell them you don't remember them, but you thought they looked familiar. Act like you are very happy.
Then:
  • - almost start a conversation, then walk away. REMEMBER: Don't run into them again if you walk away like this.
  • - try to become friends. This could work out.
Please leave comments below if you have any stories about doing this.

Pranks in Public: OMFG

Premise: just be in a public area with a fairly low amount of people.

Go up to someone (preferrably alone) and witha really happy face and tone say, "oh my god!" to them. Then look really sympathetic as if they had just told you that their family had been murdered by her bookie after she bet the family's life savings on the Cubs in the playoffs and say,"oh my god..." in a really dejected way. Keep going with anger, fear, and whatever "emotions" (or so you mortals call them) all the while ignoring what they say. Then finally put your finger to your lips slowly when you're done talking and go, "shhhh." Then skip away. (I mean it, skipping, like an 8 year old high on kool-aid and lolipops.)

Pranks on The Internet: The Dumb Facebook Question

Do what all those geniuses did in asking what 1+1+1+1x0 or whatever it is and put up a question like that. Make it really obvious and cyber-scream at anyone who does it right that they're wrong. Make sure that your argument is fairly valid but is still incorrect and see how many idiots will follow you in yelling at the people who get it right.
Hint: cyber-screaming is where you use all caps and every other word is a swear.
WE ARE NOT ENCOURAGING YOU TO CYBER-BULLY OTHERS

Friday, January 13, 2012

Pranks in Public: You've Been MUNK'D

Premise: you're walking down the street in a squirrel costume. Try suburban areas so you can go door to door without many people noticing you.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS ACTUALLY ILLEGAL. IF YOU DO THIS, YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD POLICE WILL GO CSI ON YOUR A**, HUNT YOU DOWN, AND SEND YOU TO PRISON WHERE YOU WILL GET SHANKED BY BUBBA IN THE CELL NEXT DOOR!!! Just a heads-up.
Effect on Perpetrator: if you do it right, you get some new soap! Wrong, and you get crippling guilt and a life-sentence (or death penalty depending on the redneckedness of your state).

Go to someone's house and ring the doorbell. Have a baseball bat behind your back. When they answer the door, scream, "GIVE ME YOUR NUTS, B****!" Beat them down until they're unconscious. Don't kill them, that's just cruel. Close the door so you don't attract other burglars. proceed to take random objects form that person's house that don't have any true value. TV remotes, pillows, towels, and soap do very well. Then run away. Since we don't actually want you doing this, we won't tell you the secret to getting away with all this (which I'm sure will be the only thing to deter some of you geniuses at this point). If you don't have someone answering the door at the house whose doorbell you have rung, I'm sure the guy next door loves watching ESPN without having to get up, too.

For a more legal alternative, try SKUNK-ing somebody.

Pranks on The Internet: The Facebook Friender/Creeper

If you are the type of person who would want to do some pranks, but are too lazy too get your butt off of the couch, or you are afraid of the sun, then this prank is for you. Do not worry, this can be done all from the safety of your living room or basement.

Friend a whole bunch of kids on Facebook that you don't know, but have some mutual friends with them, so that they will be more likely to accept.

Once they accept, ask them a bunch of questions through messages, toy with them. Have fun, but DON'T CYBER-BULLY.Cyber-bullying is illegal and could cost you serious consequences.

Pranks in Public: In The Bathroom: Crappy Talk

Have you ever wanted to play a good joke on somebody when nature calls and you are heading to the restroom? Well try this one out! This hilarious joke can have great effects on your fellow poopers.

Premise: Talking to the person in the adjacent stall.
Possible Effect on Perpetrator: Any sort of waste could be dumped on you, but most likely not.Go into the bathroom, and sit down in a stall. Wait for somebody else to come in and sit in the stall next to you. You can also follow people into the bathroom and go into the stall next to the one that they go into.

Start talking to them. Ask them things like their name, and other ice breakers. Watch the reactions, they can be really funny a lot of the time.

It is especially funny if you act (or actually are) constipated while you talk. Also, the plops of the feces in the water adds some good little noises to fill those awkward silences.

Critiques on Life: The Last Two People That I Would Want To Have a Car

I heard some commercials on the radio telling me that I could give a car for children, then I would get a free vacation so I don't have to see a bunch of kids driving my car around recklessly.

Then, a few minutes later, I am told that I could also give my car to blind people. I don't want blind people driving either, and especially when I am in the country! They should have offered the vacation voucher.

What Not to Say: On an Airplane

Don't stand up and say "Hey guys, I was just wondering what you guys would do if I told you that I was a terrorist?" - you will probably be murdered by small vials of 3 ounce liquid and dull pointed knives. This would be a bad way to start or end a vacation. I don't recommend saying this.

Something you actually could say:

As you walk onto the airplane, shout out: "Hope the plane don't crash" - Bill Cosby (used in a comedy routine)
This might make people think you are weird, but if that is already the case, then go for it!.

What Not to Say: In an Airport

Don't say Coca-Cola in an airport. Apparently some Taliban guy shook his can too hard and jacked that little bar at the metal detector up to orange again.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Class Clowing: How to be a good one

Here are some tips on class clowning and how to be a good class clown.

If you are a class clown or would like to be one, there are a few things that you should know:
1) Some people. especially teachers, probably won't like you so much. If nobody likes you now, then go for it
2) You need to get pretty good grades, because being a class clown can make a teacher not want to give you a good grade, so you will need to actually be pretty smart
3) You need to have good material that changes. Don't just keep on bringing up the same joke. It won't be funny later.

Now to the Clowning...

When you say things, try to raise your hand. It is better that way, and the teacher won't get as mad. This also allows the teacher to regulate how often you say funny things. Don't say things that completely disrupt the class. This gets the teacher and classmates really mad, and will limit the amount of times you are called on by a lot.

When to Stop

If the teacher starts getting really mad, stop. At this point, you might be able to whisper some things to the people sitting around you, but they could get mad at you for distracting them. If that happens, you have done too much. Keep things to yourself if all of these things happen.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Pranks in Public: You've Been SKUNK'D

Premise: Wear a skunk costume and face paint (both optional) in a suburban area. Eat a lot of beans, cabbage, or whatever else gives you gas. You might want to do this one to a friend.

Effect on Perpetrator: A good laugh, possible slap in the rear end, a chance for a backfire.
This is a mostly legal alternative to You Got MUNK'D

The Prank:

Walk down the suburban street. Make sure that you have some farts ready (you might want to test at home to make sure they aren't lethal, and aren't rosy either). Ring a doorbell. When it is answered, you should already be in the position: Rear end in the air, hands on the ground. When the open the door, FART IN THEIR FACE.

For better effect: If there are bushes nearby, you can also bring a package. Hide in the bushes after ringing, or have a friend ring the doorbell for you. When they reach down to open it up, you fart in their face, and jump out of the bushes and run away from the epicenter of the stink bomb. Inside the package should be the message, "You got SKUNK'D!".

If you do this, please comment below to tell us how it went.

Some Gobbledy Gook

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